I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
