She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
we should paint friendship bongs
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
