Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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