According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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