I faked an abortion last night.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
