my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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