I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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