Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
