oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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