i think my tv is drunk
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
