don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
