What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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