A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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