yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
me + whiskey = a bad person
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