Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
