I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
