Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
