Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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