It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
