There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
