This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
