dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
