my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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