I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize