You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
