Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
