He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
