UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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