pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
