i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
