Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
