I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize