watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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