Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
