thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
