We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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