She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I AM VODKA MAN
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
whose parrot is this?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
