it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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