You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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