I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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