My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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