I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
