That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
