If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize