This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
