its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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