If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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