You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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