Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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