Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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