Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
bring money and cleavage
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
