my text book just quoted the cookie monster
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
