im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
So vagazzling was a success
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
