if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
the liver wants what the liver wants
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
