I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Found the puke drawer
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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