forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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