he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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