Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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