I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
