Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
