I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
